Underwear, Pull-Ups, and Diapers, oh my!

So it's been awhile since I blogged and I need to come back to the land of the living. Tonight I had the loopiest thought while nursing Makenna before bedtime. I could hear David taking Kyle to the potty and the exchange as they talked about the potty and other interesting topics along those lines. I thought back over the last three weeks and in a split second, I actually gave thanks to God for the trials we are facing through this process. I thought of all the parents out there who sail through potty training or who simply don't remember what it was like since it was so many years ago. And I found myself thankful for our experience and that we are growing through it. Potty training for us isn't just a "blip on the screen" in Kyle's childhood, one which we will forget easily, like so many other things in our kids' lives. It will be a monumental era in our son's history. And the wisdom and mercy I am receiving from Jesus is what I am most thankful for.

Kyle did very well for about the first four days of training, with the occasional accident but for the most part, we felt good about things. Then on Day 5, he regressed as too much pressure was put on him to perform away from the home. I suppose having multiple family members, ranging from his age on up would make any kid want to run for the hills. So we had major setbacks for several days and Kyle constipated himself so much that day that when he finally went, well, you can imagine. So now The Great Potty is to be greatly feared for "serious business" as I call it, but it is okay for "easy business" as I call it. You parents can understand what I'm getting at.

Then we found ourselves facing the issue of using pull-ups since Kyle was finding himself quite comfortable doing serious business in his underwear. He seemed to be totally fine with it. I have since discovered boys are notorious for this sort of thing! I also knew many kids have issues with serious business. So I knew I wasn't alone. I won't get into all the upheaval in our home, but Kyle returned to a diaper on about Day 7 of potty training. I really thought we were "done," and were having a repeat of August 07. I was wrong. Kyle got up the next morning, rearing to go and after a day of showing me he could still do easy business on the potty, we went to pull-ups and he has done GREAT. EXCEPT for the dreaded serious business which I won't clog my blog with, no pun intended. Ha! That is so funny! I didn't even realize what I was saying at first! Ha!

But here is one of God's deepest wisdoms he imparted on me the day we put the diaper back on (we're in pull-ups now by the way and he's doing GREAT!). I of course was an emotional basketcase and had to go upstairs for my private little cry session while Kyle tinkered around with his Thomas puzzles. He had no idea I was sad, and it was terribly hard to hide it, but hide it I did, by the grace of God. I had a friend say to me the day before, totally unrelated to potty training, that sometimes our dreams are not our kids' dreams. I had no idea this truth would play out so vividly for me the next day. It occurred to me, a gentle nudging from the Holy Spirit, that this was only one of many times to come where Kyle's dream would not be my dream. My dream was for Kyle to say goodbye to all disposable underthings forever and go onto manly briefs with Thomas the Tank Engine or Lightening McQueen. Kyle's dream was to do easy business in the potty but serious business, well, that was going to be reserved for something more special than the potty, McQueen's bumper or Diego's backpack (on his underwear, that is). We decided to protect McQueen and Diego and let him go to town when necessary on a good ol' pull-up. I of course was "devastated" but as I watched my handsome little guy playing happily with his toys, I saw that he was totally content with the situation, totally at peace about it, and I was the loopy one, the toddler who wasn't getting her way.

I also realized how much pain I felt at my dream not being realized and how this was so SMALL compared with the future dreams that my son might not fulfill for me (how selfish of me). And I saw with GREAT DEPTH and GREAT SOBRIETY the calling God has placed on parents to accept their children WHERE THEY ARE AT, without criticism or judgment, and to let them realize their own dreams, in their own time, since after all, it is his life. At three, it is clear that Kyle is his own little man and he has the God-given right to decide when and how he will use the potty. There are few things kids can control, especially at this age. But this is one of them. When I realized my selfishness and the great responsibility of loving Kyle and accepting him for who he is, as God has designed him to be, I felt immense peace come over me. And then I again saw that God is good. And gracious. And is even interested about this whole potty training process.

It is still frustrating of course at times, feeble and weak people that we are. And I know that to others, he might seem "behind" or "unusual" for his 'serious business' behavior, but they are simply misunderstanding him and not in tune to how this process varies from kid-to-kid. In the midst of that, I rest in the peace that God is bringing Kyle along to each of his milestones as Kyle is ready. And so yes, I'm grateful for this process, and glad that it carries with it challenges. I wouldn't trade any of this in for an easier experience since I see how God is using this to teach me many things and to remind me that He is walking beside me through these toddler years.