Christmas Ponderings

Had to jot this down before I forgot it. I love my children's faith. If it wasn't 11:30 pm, I would write more, but just to share Makenna's prayer tonight. I was praying with her at bedtime and she asked me to include a prayer. I was having trouble determining what her prayer was but I pieced it together and asked her if this is what she was wanting to pray. Her prayer, in a nutshell, was "Ask Jesus that if he is born again, that he would come stay at my house." Then she giggled and said he's already been born, a long time ago, and now he lives in my heart all the time. She is 3 1/2 years old on December 29th. I have no doubt in my mind that my daughter is saved. It doesn't take genius or years of study of a certain intellectual maturity to declare faith in Jesus Christ. So I don't worry about her vulnerability to the enemy. I believe legions of angels are on call for all Believers at any time to help us resist evil. I believe they surround Makenna and Kyle. I believe I am more likely to fall from faith than my small children. I know the end times are said to be so full of persecution that even the most faithful will fall away. That may make us fear for children and their vulnerability. I think I see it the other way around. I think we adults are far more vulnerable. I think Jesus would agree. He tells us to enter the Kingdom like children. I think he was on to something.

Pumpkins!

Kyle had an early-out from school today so it was the perfect day to get ice cream and hit the pumpkin "patch." Kyle kept saying we could harvest our pumpkins tomorrow, aka carving. They were very proud of their pumpkins and I love their determination to carry the pumpkins!

Meet Our Blue Tiger!

Fall 2010 Soccer kicked off today for Kyle! It's so cool to see the growth in him over the last year, remembering his first season a year ago. There was much 'debate' about what their name should be. Kyle wanted them to be the Dolphins or Beluga Whales, which I noted were too friendly and belugas? They don't move so fast. David and I were voting for the Blue Sharks...but in the end, the team decided upon the Blue Tigers--So go Blue Tigers! And since I have never claimed to someone who can do sports-speak, I'll just quote David, "His team had a clean sheet with a 10-0 shutout." Or as I was taught by him years ago when I started ministry, Kyle's team was automatic today. See? I can do sports-speak!

Makenna's First Day at Preschool 2010

Makenna started fall preschool today after a nine month break and she was more-than-ready! She has been so looking forward to using her Dora backpack from last year and her new monkey lunch box. She told me when I picked her up, referring to her teacher, "I was nice to she." I think she mentioned her friends at school in her bedtime prayer tonight, but it sounded like babbling (I'm sure the Holy Spirit knew), but then she ended the prayer with, "Jesus, see you soon. Will you be coming to my house soon?" I couldn't help but think of Zacchaeus. Then she giggled at herself and said 'amen.' Good way to end the day.

Kyle started Kindergarten yesterday! We walked him in yesterday but today, he was totally fine with me dropping him off curbside AND was thrilled yesterday when I told him he could buy his lunch if he wanted to. He was so ecstatic about that! So today he went in without me, bought his own lunch, and I hope he found his cool new shark lunchbag he lost yesterday. Yes, Day One and already lost something.

I'm loving my time with Makenna--she's earned mommy-time! We snuggled on the sofa this morning cuddling and smooching--it was heavenly for both of us. All that alone-time, just my girl and me. Oh, and she had to give the baby in my tummy a few good kisses too.

The pictures were taken right before my battery died, and he was showing off his backpack. Oh well--we'll try another day for a front-picture! ...

...Kyle retrieved his lunchbag today--yeah!

Seriously, it's JULY?

It's obvious my world is revolving around everything but getting to sit at my computer and blog. I have had so many interesting tales to tell but little time to blog them, but I know there are folks out there that are going to come after me if I don't put up pictures soon, so I figured I needed to do that at least!

We've had a busy last few months as we've transitioned to a new Occupational Therapy location in Pflugerville. I am in the early phases of working with Aetna to get continued coverage for Kyle's therapy. I'm having my own Erin Brackovich experience. Kyle started Kinder Readiness at Harmony Hill Preschool today and loved it. He told me last night he was feeling scared but that is to be expected since he hasn't been in preschool since December. I was thrilled that he put all that emotion into words. He was happy to be back and it will be good for Makenna and him to have space from each other this month. I liken then to an 'old married couple' sometimes who has 'too much togetherness.'

We've had the blessing of seeing many 'old bethany' friends in the last two months at various graduation parties, birthday parties, etc. The kids had a ball fishing at the Thames' tank and Makenna was thrilled when she caught a catfish until David lost a grip on it and was thrashing on the dock; hence the photo of just David and the catfish. We've caught a few Express games too at the Dell Diamond which is just fifteen minutes down the road. Makenna even had her picture with Spike the Express mascot. And of course they love the hot dogs!

We took a four day trip to Mustang Island in June and the kids loved that. Kyle especially enjoyed the abundance of seaweed as he made it immediate goal to clean the beaches by shoveling it away. They both loved the waves and while Makenna was a tad more cautious, Kyle was fiercely brave and couldn't get enough of the sand, wind, and water. He also made huge strides at the hotel pool by even going into the water up to his neck and even jumping into the pool. Ironically, the ocean was less scary to him than the pool. Our favorite part of the entire trip was beach combing for shells. We all contributed to a pile of shells that are in a container in their bathroom to mark their first trip to the ocean together.

Between dolphins and stingrays at the state aquarium, riding the ferry, and finding a crab in the seaweed, it was a memorable trip for Kyle and Makenna. He tells me now that he wants us to go feed sharks together sometime. He suggested we get one for a pet. Maybe we need to watch Jaws?

Family Time Weekend

We were way overdue for family time this weekend with the kids, so we filled it with some special outings...and we're all worn out! Friday night we took the kids to their first UT baseball game (mine as well) to see cousin Taylor pitch. They loved everything, especially the fireworks, hot dogs, popcorn, pretzels, and nachos. And to all my fellow Red Raiders, rest assured that my heart still belongs to Tech. Mima even said Makenna's been under too much training because her hand wanted to do a guns up and it took some practice to get the hook 'em horn sign working for her! Last night it was fun hearing David downstairs with Kyle explaining the game of baseball to him as they watched a game together. Yesterday we went to the Red Poppy Festival in Georgetown for a few hours and the highlight was eating their ice cream of course! Today we finally took pictures in the bluebonnets and took a quick trip to Home Depot to buy some plants and seed packets. The kids can't wait to plant their seeds. They have a whole year now to wait to see them grow! Good thing the plant we planted in our little flowerbox Kyle made at Lowe's workshop last week has already started sprouting--pinto beans are good at that! Thank you tenth grade biology for teaching me about growing pinto bean plants and identifying wildflowers. Kyle thanks you too.

So much fun!

Kyle loves occupational therapy with "Miss Nikki." He adores her and I have to agree, she is quite amazing. We are so grateful and thankful to Inspire Behavior Therapy and Red Wagon Therapy, along with Dr. Melissa Bunner, who we first met last summer at Austin Neuropsychology.

From Psalm 139:
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

How can I even offer commentary on this poetry? God's word speaks for itself. I cherish the challenges we have faced as parents so far. There were many days I cried because I could not figure out why our home was in such turmoil and I could not identify with any traditional parenting methods because they simply did not work for my child.

But I praise God because Kyle is fearfully and wonderfully made.

In June of 2006, I returned from a mission trip to Tunica, Mississippi. That was my third mission trip and it changed my life in such a way that I knew that God was calling me out of the church I was serving in. I really had no idea what that meant. I just felt it deep in my spirit. I sought counsel from friends in ministry and I could not grasp what I was hearing God asking me to do. I told a coworker that I felt like a square peg in a round hole but even that was a floundering at what I was feeling inside.

When we first had cognitive testing done last summer for Kyle, I left Dr. Bunner's office with scientific data in hand and what appeared to be a mountain of development in front of me. How could a child who completes 100+ piece puzzles, does addition and subtraction at age 3, and sees the shapes of states and letters in pretzels have a developmental delay? How could that be? And even though I knew we were on the cusp of answers, I found myself falling down the rabbit hole, wondering if I had somehow failed as a mother, somehow I was to blame. Perhaps I had not fed him enough omega 3s. Maybe I worked too much when he was small. Maybe I had lost my temper one too many times. Little thinking 'holes' like that allow the Enemy to sneak in easily. I started sharing my fears with David. The Holy Spirit moved quickly. David pointed out how fortunate we were to have been paying attention as closely as we were to Kyle, that we were in tune to him. We were informed, far from 'alarmists,' and reliant on God's direction rather than the viewpoints of others. David immediately pointed out that the Holy Spirit had revealed this to us and how blessed we were.

During our first consult with our behavioral therapist, we again saw God using a complete stranger to speak to us. Jennifer listened intently to our experiences and analyzed the data from Dr. Bunner and interviewed us to get a better understanding of Kyle before she began her in-home visits. You have to also know that by the time we arrived at her office, we were at a place of needing answers and we knew seeking help was the only way we were going to be able to parent Kyle and prepare him for the world. Jennifer was so wonderful, expressing that she couldn't wait to meet Kyle, that he sounded fascinating. She then just out of the blue said, "This is just how he's wired. He just came into the world this way." I broke into tears and David said that those two sentences were worth the copay right there. In two sentences, she released me. Jesus released me. I didn't cause any of this. I had nothing to do with this. God had knit Kyle together in my womb and for whatever reason, allowed his sensory system not to work perfectly, even from birth. We have enjoyed journeying back in time and remembering Kyle as an infant and all his little 'quirks' that were already the SPD showing itself.

The moment we both recognized the Spirit's role in our journey with Kyle, the Enemy fled in fear. As soon as we glorified God, brought praise to Him for his leadings, God revealed the deep truth that I had longed for. God called me out of ministry in 2006, because He was already in 2009, seeing the path ahead of us and the need for me to be ever-present to be in tune to Kyle's needs. We knew without a doubt that if I had not been at home with Kyle these last three years, we would have missed all the signs that 'something was just not right.' If I had continued on in my job and not witnessed daily Kyle's interactions with Makenna and with us, our problems would just be surfacing in kindergarten, presenting all sorts of issues.

We are so thankful to Jennifer at Inspire Behavior for her insight and knowledge, her presence in our home, to see the need for Kyle to have the Sensory Integration & Praxis Test, which led to a diagnosis in March of Sensory Processing Disorder, specifically to the Vestibular part of his nervous system, which contributes to our balance and our sense of spatial orientation, or put more simply, "our body in space."

I am grateful to Women of Faith, specifically to Dr. Henry Cloud. At the November 2009 Houston convention, I had the blessing of hearing him speak with Marilyn Meberg about the effects of the Fall in the Garden on the brain. Dr. Cloud shared that when Adam and Eve underwent the fall, their whole body experienced the effects of the Fall, including the brain. Simply put, we're fallen beings who don't always function properly, mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually of course. All those things will be in a state of perfection again when we're with Jesus in his Kingdom. Until then, we face the consequences of the Fall now. And I know that Kyle's brain is no different. And we are so thankful to God for providing tools to help him recover from a disorder that is so common that it affects 1 in 20 children.

We are seven weeks into occupational therapy and it has changed our life. Kyle is a happier, more balanced and regulated child. His brain is maturing and we see that daily. His awareness of his body in relationship to others has taken leaps we never knew were possible. When we used to have ten to fifteen meltowns a day, we rarely see one a day now. We are grateful to the people in our life who have affirmed our parenting, encouraged our research, and have not dismissed our feelings and experiences.

I am grateful to a friend at the gym who has been a huge support as she shared her experience with SPD with her son who is now 34 years old. She has been a source of wisdom and freedom for me. Thank you to another friend at the gym who 'welcomed me to the club,' as her daughter has ASD (autism spectrum disorder), which includes sensory processing issues too. I am thankful for two hostesses who in God's timing hosted a party right after the diagnosis. One is an occupational therapist who is fascinated with our experience and the other whose now-12-year-old son also was treated for SPD as a child. And God just continues to use this in others' lives, as one of my customers' daughters was recently diagnosed with SPD at age 8. I was able to empathize and share my experiences and a bond grew more solid between us. A dear friend of mine who is also a Southern Living At HOME consultant, who I have now known for four years, has a daughter who has been in occupational therapy for SPD for over a year now too. It is amazing to have a close friend whose child also has been affected by SPD in the vestibular part of her brain too. It is no coincidence that she and I are close friends and don't have to explain things to each other. We just know. We get it. And another close friend of mine who left youth ministry about a year before I did has also walked through therapy with her son for SPD as well. He is just a few months younger than Kyle and we did quite a bit of ministry together with our two little boys at our feet. Little did I know we would share such a similar path in raising our boys. These are not coincidences. They are "God-reaching-into-our-lives" moments, orchestrated by the Master.

If you suspect your child has some special pecularities that you just aren't sure about, talk to your pediatrician. Or get a second opinion. Trust your instinct. Rely on what you believe. Resist listening to others. Don't listen to trite sayings. It isn't necessarily just a phase. And not all kids are like yours. And not all kids act this way. Don't let someone tell you that you're just not discipling them enough. Find people who will support you and walk with you and celebrate your child with you, the challenges and the successes. Surround yourself with people who are not afraid to face reality and who do not fear 'labels' or fear an image being smeared. Walk away from those who are more concerned about appearances and images and always presenting the best face possible and who would rather pretend everything is fine and nothing is really wrong. That will get you nowhere super-fast.

When we first starting worshipping at Point of Grace, I couldn't wait to get from one Sunday to the next. It was like something inside me that was dormant, a stump of a tree, was pushing up through the dirt again. Life came springing out in all areas of our family. After the second visit there, I told David that the Holy Spirit was revealing to me that Point of Grace was the place for our children. It was a place for them to experience Jesus in a real and transparent way. I now understand why. Thank you to our family at Point of Grace who have laid hands on us multiple times, listened to our hearts, and celebrated Kyle's growth with us. You have been real with us and let us be real with you. Thank you for letting us 'let it all hang out,' including our challenges we've faced as parents, especially our Alpha group and small group who heard many of our woes in the earliest months of this process, already two years ago, when David and I consistently sat back and wondered what we were doing wrong or what we could do differently.

You can tell from the pictures, he's a happy kid and a growing kid. He's a spectacular child. I wouldn't have him any other way. He's fearfully and wonderfully made.

What does his sign say?

We travel to northwest Austin twice a week for occupational therapy for Kyle. After several weeks of seeing homeless people and talking about it with Kyle, I saw the opportunity for us to pack kits to hand out. Kyle has endless questions about these individuals who walk with cardboard signs. I love his curiosity and his openess to understanding them. I've led many youth and adults around Austin and downtown Denver feeding the homeless, so I was thrilled that we were finding ourselves in a position twice a week to venture into their world for a few brief moments. And I find it amazingly rewarding as I'm trying to teach my young children about seeing everyone through the lens of Jesus or with "Kingdom Eyes," as my dear friend Rebecca says.

Kyle and Makenna had received money from the Easter bunny and when Kyle started asking about shopping for food for the homeless, I gave him the option of using his bunny money and he immediately agreed. He and Makenna pooled their money, totaling up to around $20 and from that moment on, Kyle kept asking when we were going to the store to shop for the homeless people.

Yesterday Kyle and I shopped and picked out things that were non-perishable. I would like to take more time on our next trip to get items that I have found these folks to enjoy receiving--socks, toothpaste/brush kits, anti-itch cream, bug spray, etc.

I am passionate about my children learning not to judge the people on the street corners. We talk about how each of these people are someone's child, someone's brother, someone's father, someone's mother, and they each were created by God and He died also for them. When working with youth, I often encountered judgementalism that their parents had passed on to them...they were drunks, lazy, etc. I vowed not to teach that to my children, but to teach them to understand that some people have problems that consume them and yes, have maybe even opted to live on the streets, rather than seeking help. And some feel they have no one. I've met people who are simply runaways, veterans, depressed. Some are happy as they can be and some have been as high as kites, clearly under the influence of a drug. Some are grandmothers, some are mothers who haven't seen their children in years. Some don't seem to have a 'sad story,' but for some reason, don't have the life skills necessary to live like 'regular people.' Regardless of their story, I want Kyle and Makenna to learn to care about people the way Jesus does and seek to be Jesus with flesh on.

It moves me deeply, way down deep in my spirit, to be doing service projects with the kids each week. It reminds me of the feelings I had when leading youth through similar projects and now, I get to do these projects with my own children. These are rich lessons in kindness, compassion, and gratitude. These lessons are best-learned 'in the field,' not from simply reading about it in a children's book. There is theory...then there is being a living sacrifice. And Kyle cared nothing for holding onto his money for himself, but wanted to give it to someone else. I hope he will hold on to that generosity for as long as possible.

I'm not a bleeding heart. And I'm not one to shirk responsbility or excuse others. Jesus was first and foremost always about people's souls and hearts and then was concerned about dealing with their 'stuff.' And he ministered to people by meeting their felt needs. He never excused people's 'issues,' in fact, he addressed them, but he met their needs, met them where they were at. I hope Kyle and Makenna can take hold of his heart and see them with his eyes. Hopefully they will teach me a thing or two about compassion.

I like to move it-move it!

*Kyle jumping on his birthday

What ever happened to jumping on the bed? When David was in Europe and it was COLD the entire time he was gone, I asked him casually if it would be so bad if I let the kids jump on our bed and leap off of it into a pile of pillows. I had checked my kids' temperatures with my Smart Mom Thermometer and discovered what I already knew--they were sick and furiously feverish with Cabin Fever. And what's the next-best thing to being outdoors? Turning the indoors into the outdoors! I don't know how many times as a child I dragged my mattresses into our living room and did gymnastics with my friends. And we weren't doing silly little rolls. We were doing full handsprings and complete front and back flips. By the grace of God we never flew off into our fireplace hearth or ended up on our necks on top of the piano. If my parents never knew we did this while they were at work, they know now. And aren't y'all glad you paid for all those gymnastics lessons?

Today I was jumping on Kyle's birthday present, a trampoline, and loving it as much, if not more, than they do. I love swings still. I love tireswings too. I even love going down the slide on a playground. The higher and faster, the better. The trampoline has to be one of the best inventions ever. It feeds every sense in the body. It provides tons of joint compression and the nervous system of kids like Kyle LOVE it. Makenna is learning to manage her body on the trampoline, and after I jumped multiple times and was out of breath, I realized what a great workout the trampoline is! And I have to say, I love it too.

As a child, I took daring risks, climbing as high into our mimosa tree as I could. I even jumped out of a tree once at childcare when I was six years old, which resulted in plastic surgery on the tear ducts in my left eye. When I was two years old, my Mom found me sitting atop an a-frame swing set in our backyard...or maybe I was standing? And I can even remember challenging my balance in our home in Austin (so I was under age 8). I remember making it my goal to move around my bedroom without touching the ground because it was quicksand. So what did I do? I stood on all my furniture and crawled from piece to piece, chairs, tables, chest of drawers, bed, you name it. I stood on it. Kyle is learning to walk more in the house which is a work-in-progress. He's growing in his ability to walk in stores and I find him learning to stabalize himself by holding onto the cart and walking at my pace. It's exciting to see him doing this on his own as his brain learns how to manage his 'body in space.'

If you're at all curious about our journey with Kyle, look up www.spdfoundation.net.

God has created us so fearfully and wonderfully. The brain is a fascination that propels one to point to an "Intelligent Designer," even if you're an Atheist. It is hard to deny the role of a Higher Being that brought order out of chaos. I call Him God--Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. The ancient Hebrews called him YHWH. And yet due to the entry of sin into the world, our brains don't always function with perfection, right? But more of that in another blog sometime.

Adventures in the World of My Children

When you 'sign up' to be a parent (ha-ha), you just never know what you're going to get. I might as well quote Forrest Gump now. Parenting is like a box of chocolates, except in one main way. You can't do like I do...take a bite and put it back in the box if you don't like the filling. In fact, it's the filling that makes it interesting and it's the filling that has taught me so much about myself and my Creator.

Each creature comes into the world as God has created him or her. Certain environmental things of course affect us. I'm a nature AND nurture theorist--what has been so freeing for me in raising Kyle in the last six months is discovering that both he and Makenna came into the world with personalities that I have little to do with. They also are each wired in particular ways that have nothing to do with me. However, it's clear that much of both my children's wiring is something I've passed on them. They do have some of my chromosomes!

God has freed me from one main lie from Satan. I believe Satan delights in destroying a mother's view of herself. My heart aches now with other moms who start blaming themselves for their child's challenges. And I have been so blessed to reassure them that their child is simply hardwired and there is always a solution to whatever they are facing.

Kyle loves to move. So does Makenna. But they move for different reasons. Makenna moves because she's a busy 2 1/2 year old. She's interested in what is going on and is just a busy-bee. She spins and falls down. She swings and hops to the slide when she gets off. She runs to the porch because she wants to rest. She moves but can also stand very still, as I saw her do today when she was watching Kyle get his hair cut.

Kyle moves because he is seeking sensations at a much higher level than I need. I do love to move though and enjoy excercising and need to work out hard, like dripping with sweat and panting for life, to feel like I've excercised. So I understand his need to move harder and faster to feel good. He spins and spins and then can run in straight lines. He does well in a store when holding onto the shopping cart and walking alongside me, but if he lets go, you can bet money that he will run forward about six steps ahead and then jump and land as hard as he can. That is how he 'walks,' unless I'm constantly reminding him to slow his body to match my cadence. He's very proud of himself when he walks in step with me. At the same time, I let him do his "run-run-run-run-run-run jump" way of walking through stores.

I'm sure some parents or non-parents don't like it. I do my best to keep him out of others' ways, but I've learned that he's hardwired this way. He can never run hard enough or jump hard enough. In some ways, I'm envious at times at his ability to move as hard and as fast as he can. Makenna is bewildered at times by his energy. And through it all, he is rarely out of breath. Can I harness that endurance? Yes, we can. And we will.

My son is spirited and my daughter is spunky. I'm a spirited adult. Kyle and I are in good company. And I have a husband and they have a daddy who lets us all be who we are, as God made us. I love that and cherish that.

Kyle doesn't process through his senses in the way 'typical' kids do. And I wouldn't have him any other way. I'll try to post regularly as we watch Kyle's body learn how to harness all that endurance. We might have a future figure skater on our hands. But we'll stick to soccer for now. I think it's easier on the pocketbook.

Kyle's Top Ten Questions for Jesus

Kyle has the gift of questioning...don't all kids though? His questions aren't aimed to annoy or simply to just hear himself talk. He truly wants answers. I answer as I can but you can imagine that most of my answers just prompt more thought-provoking questions. Here are the lastest, most common questions in no particular order...
(1) Why did Adam and Eve eat the apple? But why did they get tempted?
(2) What was wrong with that apple?
(3) How many years ago did Jesus die?
(4) Why was Herod bad? Why didn't he like Jesus?
(5) But where are the bad angels? Are they in this world?
(6) Are the good angels also in this world?
(7) But why did Satan not want to listen to God? Why did he want to be bad?
(8) Can the bad angels get into heaven now? (Upon answering 'no,' he sighed and said, 'okay, I can go to heaven then.')
(9) But where are the bad people? Are they in this world or a different world?
(10) If Jesus took away my sins when he died, then why do we still sin?

That last question brought on a huge Two Kingdom Theology discussion I never dreamed I'd be having with my 4 1/2 year old. Goodness, I don't understand most of the answers either--how puzzling it must be to him. Or maybe not. Maybe he just takes it at face value, the way Jesus calls us to, faith like a child.

Tune My Heart To Sing Thy Praise

I'm working on allowing myself to blog even if it's not going to be perfect. Actually, I'm forcing myself to write because I haven't in so long--no excuses, but David being in Europe since last Tuesday hasn't helped me have the energy to write. Usually by the time I sit down to write, I've been blogging in my head. I think a cool device would be a brain-reader, something I could hook up to my brain and it'd write my blog for me. I used to write college lit papers and form thesis statements in my head well before it got to paper. If you ever see me talking to myself in the car, I'm blogging, not talking to any voices in my head. I do that only when I'm alone in my closet.

So this blog was written in my head last Thursday night. But I'll back up, last Tuesday night, I went to Figgy Sisters at my church. We're a group of women, all different ages, experiences, and backgrounds, and we come together with no agenda, other than to invoke the Holy Spirit to move us to minister to each other. There is no set timeline, no bible study, unless we're moved to read the Word to each other. We have a time of worship and there is freedom to worship in any manner you feel led to. There's sharing, crying, laughing, and praying. It's a time for women to just 'be' at the feet of Jesus with no other responsibility but to sit and be in his presence. It's a powerful thing.

A theme that emerged was the usage of worship in our walk at any given moment during our day when we feel the need to call upon Jesus for help. Worship draws us into His presence and can bring His power into the situation. I absolutely believe that. I can think of many times when putting on worship music in the car and singing was just what the kids needed...and what I needed. I didn't realize our discussion at Figgy Sisters was going to be a super-cool reality 48 hours later.

Kyle had not rested well that afternoon, but surprisingly, he was handling the lack of sleep well, or so I thought. Kyle's body doesn't do what most kids' bodies do when they're tired. He doesn't grow quiet. He doesn't become sluggish. His brain tells his body to do the exact opposite. Sleep calms our senses down and gives them a rest. It's good for our bodies. So when Kyle doesn't have it, you can imagine how wacky it can get. We noticed a few years ago that fatigue caused him to go into hyper-mode. And that is what I witnessed at dusk that day when I was pitching baseballs to him. To my surprise, the fatigue overload and the kinesthetic delight of playing ball led him to begin whacking himself repeatedly in his head with his baseball bat. I knew he wasn't angry. He was having fun with us in the yard. But his body was starting to misfire. I realized we needed to clean up the yard and head on in. Within minutes, Kyle's body was starting to go into meltdown mode. I ended up herding both kids indoors while I ran around picking up toys. Upon entering the house, Kyle was running in circles like a hamster in a cage and running into the couch repeatedly. You might think I'd get upset at this. I don't. It's in those moments when my heart aches for him because I know he can't control it and his body is screaming to give it rest.

I managed to get them occupied watching a show while I finished up dinner and wondered how many meals had we survived with a very tired boy trudging through the meal. I took advantange of my two quiet children on the couch to dart around the downstairs emptying the trash and quickly scurried to the can outside to drop it off. I could already tell my pulse was rising because I knew I had a long hour ahead of me as I moved him through the routine of dinner, bath, and bedtime. It was dark out by now and as I turned away from the trashcan to make my way around our porch in the dark, I called out to God to strengthen me and in a flash the words to "Come Thou Fount" ran through my head and across my heart.

Come thou fount of every blessing
tune my heart to sing thy praise
Streams of mercy never ceasing
call for songs of loudest praise.

Tune my heart to sing thy praise. That line kept running over and over and I knew it was a Figgy moment revisited. The supernatural power of the God of the universe reminded me that mercy flows like streams when my heart is tuned to sing praise to Jesus. I knew in my heart that the Spirit had moved and had given me the strength to get through the arduous task of the next sixty minutes.

It only took about twenty seconds to get back to the house but in that short timespan, the Lord spoke those song lyrics to my heart and reminded me that the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy. And he enjoys setting his traps at night.

It makes sense, doesn't it? I wonder how many family dramas play out after dusk settles in. How many fights occurs at the dinner table or just prior or just after? How many conflicts surface during the bedtime/homework routine of the evening? Satan tempted Jesus in the desert when his body was tired and hungry. He was lonely and drained. The demands on his time in the desert had caught up with him. He was tired of being strong. And the fasting from food and friends had started to take a toll on him. Enter Satan.

I have found myself to be at my weakest in the evenings. I see in my children they are naturally at their weakest in the evening. The enemy comes to steal family time. He comes to destroy conversations and relationships. He comes to kill the hope that we perhaps drew from all day long as we interacted with people or went to a bible study or drew from the well of Jesus during our own devotional time.

There has been a movement in evangelical Christianity which I first heard about in college--the concept of quiet time. Countless books have been written on this subject. It isn't anything new. Jesus did it quiet often, withdrew to be alone with the Lord. My exposure to this discipline though was legalistic and felt like the morning was the only time you could 'do it right.' I'm not against this. I often have 'quiet time.' Sometimes it's when I lock myself in the bathroom! My kids think I'm just taking care of business, but seriously, how many of have prayed on the porceline throne? I think Jesus understands that.

Over the last two weeks, coinciding right before David went out of town, would you believe Satan has enjoyed destroying my morning practice of prayer as my children have gotten up earlier and earlier and interrupted that time? I knew as the spiritual covering of our home left the country that we would be vulnerable and I have been praying for protection over our hearts here. Never a coincidence when we carve out space for Jesus and then things get turned upside down to destroy that space. But I think there is room to look at turning to Jesus with intensity at our weakest time of the day, which for many of us, I believe is evening just prior to dinner, when our bodies are started to feel the fatigue of the day and our minds are just spent and yet are racing with what is still undone for the day's tasks. And the evening often is when married couples have their deepest conversations or at least attempt to do so.

Wow, this was a long post. Obviously it's been mulling over in my brain for several days now. The brain is amazing thing isn't it? I won't blog about this right now, but singing praises (or any song for that matter) is a powerful thing to do in a moment when you feel like you're about to 'lose it' or start going down a path in your mind that isn't healthy or of Jesus. It awakens the frontal region of your brain and helps calm down that mid-brain, the part of our mind that is reactive and reptilian. But I'll blog about that some other time. So take a few deep breaths. Sing a song--any song will work, although I'm partial to a little David Crowder or Nicole C. Mullen.

The Beautitudes in Practicality

As my disclaimer, let me make it clear that I haven't studied Hebrew or Greek. This is a collection of some things I've learned along the way or believe God has placed on my heart. My Hebrew scholar friends, you're more than welcome to send feedback. I want to reflect on some threads that God has been weaving into my heart this week through Matthew 5.

The beautitudes have always been a section I've sort of 'glazed over.' The word 'blessed' is a word that we can really get hung up on since our culture defines blessing typically only in physical, monetary ways. We are so entrenched in materialism that "the abudance of things: becomes interchangeable with "the abudance of blessings"...especially when there are rogue pastors out there preaching in media-hyped pulpits and from bookstore shelves about getting all you can out of life. Spare me the self-help books.

I would enjoy knowing the relationship between the Hebrew word for 'blessed' and the Greek word for 'blessed.' I know that in the Old Testament, it was linked to a similar word for 'kneel' and had the meaning of bringing a gift. In essence, the Aaronic blessing, "The LORD bless you and keep you," (Numbers 6) is a prayer that asks that God would bend his knee to you and grant you provision of gifts. It was not only seen as material gifts, but also God's mercy and forgiveness and steadfastness. It was a prayer of protection as well, that he would 'guard' and keep you. In the New Testament, 'bless' indicates a word regarding well-being, wholeness, contentment. It was quite a paradigm shift for Jewish converts who believed blessing was a material thing and gained through holiness and keeping the law to perfection. Instead, blessing was something bestowed on the lowly, the poor in spirit, the hungry, the forgotten.

So perhaps that is why I've always glazed over it. I've thought why in the world do I want to be poor? If I'm not mourning, am I not as blessed? I'm being called to be persecuted? Okay, enter the scene...an understanding of how this has played out this week. No, I've not been persecuted and I'm not mourning. But God has been speaking to me through Matthew 5 this week. Each morning I've been reading Matthew 5:1-12. Monday He taught me about mercy and last night, about meekness.

Monday morning, I was readying the kids to leave for my gym class. Afterwards, we were driving to Giddings to see Megan and play. They were excited. I was excited--I really needed some adult time--and some time with my sister. And my two kids were being...kids. I had left them for just a few minutes to get changed. In that few minutes, all their food ended up on the floor--plates had been passed back and forth on the table. Cheerios were in a soggy pile under Makenna's chair, with a waffle to top it off. Sausage had been through across the room and I still have been finding pieces today. I could hear Kyle even 'egging' Makenna on. It was just not a good scene for me to walk in on.

But I learned my lesson last week about not punishing myself in the midst of punishing them. I wanted to see my sister. I wanted an outing! I wasn't going to let them ruin my day! Kyle saw me coming down the stairs and shrieked that they should hide. I have to say that being super-quiet, expressionless, and commenting on no part of the chaos is a powerful reaction to such monkey-business. It became REALLY quiet. Kyle had been giggling but with how quiet Mommy was, he either was in awe of my self-control or terrified of the silent volcano.

Instead, I started cleaning up the mess. Makenna was squawking and shrieking. I ignored that too. Kyle then said, "are we still going to go to Megan's?" I was silent and without looking up, I said, "yes, we are. I want you to have fun with her and she's looking forward to it and so is Aunt Theresa. But this makes me really sad. But I said we were going and we are. That's called mercy, Kyle. Mercy is giving someone something they need, even if it's hard to give it."

And the passage I had read just a few hours prior to that flashed through my mind: "Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy." I've always read that as a promise that if I'm merciful, then God will be merciful to me. But I knew that wasn't the entire picture. I'm not always merciful. Yet God shows me constant mercy. He has given me forgiveness, in spite of my lack of forgiveness of others. In that moment, I grasped a little bit better, He showed me his mercy a little bit deeper than I had ever seen it or felt it.

I had mercy on my kids because I delight in seeing them play with friends and knew that their hearts were filled with joy about seeing their cousin Megan today. And I wanted that for them. I knew Kyle needed it. He needs children to play with, different kids all the time. I gave mercy to my kids, gave them something they needed, even when it was hard to give it. It went against my nature to punish their infraction. It was a huge growing point for me because I knew I wasn't giving any kind of punishment really, although they did each lose a ticket off their rewards chart. But they certainly didn't deserve a fun trip to Giddings at that point. But I wanted them to have it.

That's the mercy of Jesus. He has had mercy on us because he so deeply desires to give it. It's completely in his nature to GIVE MERCY. It felt GOOD for me to be merciful to Kyle and Makenna. It felt GOOD to give them this special outing, despite their behavior. In my mercy, God revealed his mercy to me deeper, brought me into a clearer view of what the Kingdom of Heaven looks like. And I was blessed by it, as he promises in Matthew 5. I felt Jesus' heart in that moment, saw with better vision what it feels like to be merciful and why Jesus wants so much to be merciful to us.

It's a morning Kyle won't forget. I won't forget it either. It was a fabulous teaching moment about the mercy of Jesus and the blessedness that comes from showing mercy.

This is a long post so I'll write later about my meek moment last night...

Umbrella Moments

I love seeing my kids show independence. I have never been the mommy who cries because her child doesn't notice when she leaves them at preschool. I've never been one to be upset if they get their own snack--I encourage it even. Every streak of independence for Kyle is a victory for us. Like right now, as I'm having some mommy-time in the peace and quiet of my room, I can hear the little popping sound of his Trouble game. He's playing Trouble alone. When you have a extrovert like Kyle, a child who is energized by interacting with people non-stop, it is beautiful to see them entertaining themselves alone. It's a huge mark of achievement. And I feel silly even commenting on this, but I just heard the sound of him in his bathroom and the toilet flushing. And inside, I'm rejoicing--he went alone.

Kyle will be 5 in March. It is amazing for him to go to the bathroom without announcing it to me. In these moments of big-boyness, I am just in awe. Many kids just do these things naturally. Makenna's acts of independence aren't even always noticed by me because she has always been this way. But I suppose I do notice them more because I also have a child who needs more encouragement and confidence to do things alone or at least without narrating it to the world around him. I can hardly blame him though. I also am an extrovert and love to narrate my life; hence the blog. So he's in good company with me. But I'll be sure not to announce to you all when I need to take a trip to the little girls' room. That might be a little bit TMI.

The pictures are from this morning when we were leaving for Hoppin Hippo, a bouncy place in Hutto. Kyle had his umbrella up and told Makenna she could walk under it with him to stay dry. If you notice, he has his left hand on her right shoulder, making sure she's in step with him to lead her to the car, keeping her dry. Those moments are precious.

There are MANY crazy moments here, wild even...moments that make me want to read more about animals who eat their young so I can have a mom to identify with! I worry too much about how they're treating each other, if everyone's happy, if everyone feels safe. So much pressure is just simply not good for the heart and soul. But Umbrella Moments are good. Just very good. I see then the gentleman emerging from Kyle, the kind of father and husband he could be. And I see Makenna, learning how a boy should treat a girl, with protection and leadership that is meant to keep her safe and comfortable.

I think I'll work on paying closer attention for Umbrella Moments.

A Masterpiece Unfolding

Thomas Crum said, "What would it be like if you lived each day, each breath, as a work of art in progress? Imagine that you are a masterpiece unfolding, every second of every day, a work of art taking form with every breath." This quote is in a little book I have called Seize the Moment. Today challenged me to see Kyle as a masterpiece, a work of art in progress.

We had our first dental appointment last summer. Kyle and Makenna both refused to have their teeth x-rayed but they did get an exam and brief brushing on my lap. It was fairly uneventful. We cheered, took pictures, did a happy dance, both leaving with a treat from the treat cart. Today was our second trip to the dentist.

I hadn't talked to Kyle about going until this morning. David and I are careful about what we tell, when we tell, considering how much he might obsess over it, worry, talk, etc. Since we were out on a date last night, we chose not to bring it up to him before we left. Kyle needs extra time for all transitions and it was a lesson learned today that I should've started prepping him yesterday morning.

So this morning when he and I talked about our schedule for the day, the resistance began. And enter the nosedive. I know my child and his resistance to places he doesn't remember, can't see. The fear of the unknown grips him in a way that I understand completely. He fixates on different thoughts and it's hard for him to really listen to my reassurances that he won't be getting a shot, none of it will hurt. Even pulling out photos from last summer didn't seem to help. Even doing our 'hamburger time' before leaving didn't seem to help. (fun game where he lies down on pillows, aka a bun, and I 'smear' condiments on him, and then squish him with the top bun, two other pillows. It helped briefly, but he only got in the car because I carried him, sockless and shoeless.

Makenna was a trooper and enjoyed (or at least was intrigued by) sitting on the 'queen's chair' with her 'royal robe' (xray jacket) on while she had queen's photos taken of her mouth. She loved it. Then she galloped to the tooth-cleaning station because she was promised special magic sunglasses to wear while her queen's teeth were looked at. I thought Kyle was on his way to magic-land too as I heard him in the king's chair getting his xrays done. The xrays never happened, but at least he sat in the chair this time. Last summer I couldn't bribe him into that chair.

I knew he was a wild card today and we would possibly have to just try again. The next step was to get his teeth cleaned, but after trying to talk to him and watching him escalate, I knew we weren't going to have luck today. Fear and anxiety gripped him and once he had it in his head that this was a place he didn't want to be in, there was no getting him off that train. I know Kyle well and know when to stop pushing. And the last thing I want is for the dentist's office to be a place of fear and 'torture.' The practice we go to agrees with that position too. Of course I suppose when he's 16 and still hasn't had his teeth x-rayed or cleaned, we might have to have David and Uncle Clay there to put a wrestling move on him, but I don't know if Georgetown Pediatric Dentistry has a table that could withstand that much weight.

Our dentist is awesome and let Kyle play with a videogame that is projected on the wall of their exam area. It is so cool! It's the size of a wall and Kyle had great fun smacking his hands on the wall to 'squish the frogs.' It was just what his little body needed. The power and force of smashing his hands into the wall, the rough texture, the slapping sound, the glee in seeing the frog stick out its tongue...just what the doctor ordered. We should've used this tactic early in the exam. We might've had Chick-fil-a for lunch today!

So I rescheduled his appointment for next Thursday. We left with no toy for him and no Chick-fil-A trip for lunch. That was the most painful part for me! I now know not to use a reward that if withdrawn is punishment for Makenna and me too!

He reassured Makenna in the car that next time he would get his teeth cleaned and wouldn't waste anyone's time. We'll see. The 7 day countdown has begun. Perhaps they'll let him play with the frogs again and we can use that as his reward system. It was a great distraction and really good for his body. I could tell it relieved much of his stress and he was a new man, telling me he would get his teeth cleaned next time we came.

I paid the receptionist and fought back tears, even though I know my son, have been through this same type of scenario more times than I can count, and know this is what we face in any new situation. I think every parent has a 'phantom child' in their mind, as Dr. Mary Sheedy Kurcinka has said, and we just have to let go of that child. Makenna will always plunge ahead into new situations. And she will be in the ER more and has already been there more than Kyle. My spirited guy will hang back, check out the scene, and have to learn to trust the situation before plunging in. But once he's there, he's in! We might just walk out next Thursday with Kyle changing his degree plan from dolphin trainer to pediatric dentist.

Whatever he decides to be, I'll be proud of him. Every day is a day that the Creator paints brushtrokes onto his masterpiece, Kyle Evans. There will be a day that this is just another moment to remember and when he allows the x-rays and teeth cleaning, won't it be just wildly fun to cheer for him?! With Kyle, the challenges are big but the rejoicings are always bigger.

Every Boy Wants to be William Wallace

A great read for a mother of a boy is "Bringing Up Boys" by James Dobson and "Wild at Heart" by John Eldredge. And even though I've read both, prior to having a son, nothing prepares you for when your boy starts showing the wear and tear of being a BOY.

I'm not sure when it happens, but somewhere along the way, moms of boys quit worrying and fretting over cuts and scars. I never have been super-hyper about injuries with Kyle (Makenna is another story, but she's a girl, and yes, it somehow is different). I've crossed some kind of threshold with injuries though. Kyle's latest 'wound' is from sliding off Eli's bunkbed ladder today.

I think he had been bleeding inside his shirt for awhile before he told me he had an owie--high pain tolerance perhaps? We think he chose not to use the steps on the bunkbed. Why would he want to use those silly things when sliding down is like shimmying down the side of a castle. But those ladder rungs sure are rough and ragged as the picture shows.

A few months ago, Kyle managed to rip a deep laceration into his jawline on a plastic train depot station. It wasn't even a rough edge but the doctor said he hit it at just the right velocity and angle. And of course he was running. Kyle rarely walks. The cut was so jagged and awkward that our doctor couldn't stitch it. There simply wasn't anything to stitch together. I realized then that it was just the first of many more significant scars to come. We dedided it gives him character and makes him look rugged!

So instead of freaking out about his stomach wound, we proudly took pictures because this is what being a boy is all about--every boy has a William Wallace inside somewhere, right John Eldredge? So mothers of boys, quit babying your boys and let them be rough and tumble and let them explore the world with their entire body. I wrote in Kyle's journal when he was 10 months old that he had pulled a friend's cat's tail and got a surprise when the cat scratched his forehead. Of course he did! He was testing the engineering of the cat's bone structure for pete's sake! First, his case study revealed cats don't like their tails being pulled and two, his hand wasn't strong enough yet to do real damage. Good thing he's allergic to cats--otherwise, there'd be a tail-less cat running around our house by now.

If you have a boy, enjoy how they jump, leap, and tumble. Let them develop those gross motor skills and quit hovering! What will the future of the male species look like in 50 years if we don't let them be boys now? I don't know about the rest of you ladies out there, but I didn't go see Gladiator because there was a princess in it. And I certainly didn't watch Braveheart because of the love story.

Make a Joyful Noise to the LORD all the Earth

If you're a David Crowder Band fan, you probably just put that subject line to a DCB melody. I pulled out a journal I write in every so often for each of my kids. I don't use them nearly as much as I wanted to. They are filled with little phrases/words/expressions/moments that I haven't wanted to forget. When Kyle was born, there were so many sounds that I didn't want to forget, so I tried to write them out so I would always remember them. My first memory that I wrote has already slipped into 'forgotten-land,' so I was thrilled to read it again, and even amazed I had forgotten. And it's definitely something the Lord wants me to remember. It reads, "When Kyle cried his first upon birth, I exclaimed he was making a joyful noise to the LORD so my son might give witness to my unbelieving doctor." Now let me clarify...Dr. Maggie Landwermeyer did not deliver Kyle. We were immeasurably blessed to have her deliver Makenna. And Maggie is a Believer which made her delivery of Makenna amazing, having my friend deliver her. But a different doctor delivered Kyle.

When I reread those words, I did remember saying that, but I didn't remember that being my motivation. I do recall wondering if she heard me, what her thoughts were, if she had any reaction at all towards what I had said. Kyle screamed a lot when he was born. That was music to my ears. The photo is about thirty minutes after he was born and he discovered his fingers. The second picture is from a few weeks ago--he and Makenna in hysterical laughter!

Kyle screamed throughout his entire baptism, which is entirely seperate blog, but we have on video Pastor Knippa commenting in the midst of the screaming that he was making a joyful noise to the LORD. I never made that connection before, that it was reminiscent of Kyle's moment of birth, his first cry.

And it certainly foreshadowed that Kyle would be the kid who everyone could hear before they saw. He came in with a grand entrance, into this physical world, as well as his baptism into the Body of Christ.

If you've spent any amount of time with Kyle, you probably have heard us remind him to use his inside-voice. Kyle has two volume settings--low and high. The low is a whisper, the one he uses in church or when he wants to tell us a 'secret.' the high volume is what is used pretty much most of the time, especially when he's speaking zestfully, which is typically about anything and everything. Kyle speaks about the sky with zest. At 2, he talked about the shape of pretzels with zest, showing me what letter the pretzel looked like. He spoke about the new bow on his first Christmas gift this year with zest, exclaiming, "Look! I got a new bow!"

I suppose his 'noise' is really quite joyful. I have much to learn about his noise, how joyful it is, how much life there is in his expressive nature. He simply lives life out loud, large, as my Mom told me when he was an infant.

What Does God Want Me To Forget...And What Does He Want Me To Remember

For the first time perhaps ever, I am eager about a 'new year.' I am beginning a new year thrilled about possibilities and new beginnings, or perhaps joy-filled and hope-filled continuations of what has already been and what still is. The subject line was in our Pastor's sermon today, based on the scripture in Philippians 3: "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." I chuckled inside today because I couldn't help but picture myself teaching 3rd-5th graders this verse with hand motions to help them memorize it. Those kids are all seniors in high school now. Paul knew he had to forget some things and knew he had to keep remembering what Jesus was doing and had done, referencing the prize for which God had called him. It was going to be pretty hard for him to forget that incident on the road to Damascus that left him blind for three days and showed him a piece of the prize awaiting him.

So I am committing myself to my blog once again to take take each day to look at what I will be forgetting and what I will be remembering, reflecting on what Jesus has done in my life this last year. I'll actually be looking back at some of life five years ago.

I don't want to give away all the details. So hopefully knowing you might get on my blog every other day will prompt me to write about some things that I simply don't want to forget, remembrances that are beautiful early brushstrokes on the portrait of our family today and what it will be in the future.

I'm terrified to commit myself to blogging every other day. I immediately go to the question, 'when will i find the time?' Admittedly, I don't know. Having both kids out of preschool now, running a part-time party business, and keeping up with the house, along with just 'life,' and looking into writing a children's book this year, I'm scared I could let you down. So just know you might get on and I might just have not written in awhile. I'm nowhere near perfect at holding to my commitments to the letter of the law. But know my heart's desire is to bring you along on a remembrance journey, little snippets of our family life, moments for me to remember and to forget.

So I rest tonight knowing I'll go into this endeavor with courage and peace knowing I can fail and it's okay. Tomorrow's another day to be perfectly imperfect and still unconditionally loved by my Savior.