Bumped Heads Always Available Around Here

With little kids, especially two so close in age, we easily have several bumped heads a day. Makenna's are usually from falling (or me bumping her head into a door frame earlier). Kyle's are from his tumbles off the couch or just raising his head up too fast and bumping me--ouch! And then of course there are the head bumps that come from "Opportunity-Strikes-for-Pushed-and-Bumped-Baby-Sister."

I prefer not to leave a room with Kyle and Makenna alone, event for a minute. This morning they were both loose in our front dining room (a room they are rarely in). I was bustling around getting Kyle's lunch ready for preschool, so I was hoping that no calamity would occur while my back was turned. Too late. I heard my wrought iron stand with the Madeleine Hurricane tumble over and Makenna screaming. I rushed in, picked her up, and immediately began blowing on her face so she would not pass out, as she tends to hold her breath when crying hard. I noticed Kyle crouching in the corner, guilt written all over his 3-year-old face. I knew what had occurred, but I chose not to say anything and continued to comfort Makenna. Within seconds, the Great Confession occurred.

Kyle confesses to everything. He even has taken to confessing misbehavior at school which never occurred. His teacher always looks puzzled and she'll correct him and say someone else pushed so-and-so or someone else threw a toy. I personally think he's identifying with the perpatrator and misplacing blame on himself. I'm not sure why he does this, but a friend recently told me that Kyle has an ability to strongly empathize with others, so maybe that's what he's doing.

The Great Confession: "I hurt her head. I pushed it over on her." Oh, sweet confession...what a total joy it is when your child confesses a wrongdoing without any prompting. I once had a friend tell me that children are born with knowing the feeling of guilt, but that they must learn the feeling of grace. I fully believe it. We come into the world, tainted with original sin. By nature we have the guilt of sin upon us and know the feeling all too well. This is why children are 'dying to confess' when they've done something. I can remember as a child, agonizing all day over a wrongdoing until finally exploding in tears in confession to my parents.

Kids want to unburden themselves. (So do adults). They are looking for grace, although they don't know that is what they are searching for. In fact, I have witnessed Kyle hurting Makenna and then acting out against me when rebuked. I believe he acts out against me because he feels guilt but does not know how to consistently ask for forgiveness, so instead that frustration comes out against me. I don't think it is that he wants to hurt me too, or even that he wanted to hurt Makenna. I know the acting out is from jealousy or from a feeling of needing 'space' from her, etc. It's simply Kyle feeling emotions that don't make sense to him yet and an inability to articulate them and process them properly.

Because we address misbehavior with consequences, I sent him upstairs to play by himself. He can choose his room or the playroom, but the rule is that he needs to be away from "the group" for a few minutes to get himself 'reset' and able to function with us again in a way that is acceptable in our home. As I opened the gate of the stairs for him to go up, he called out that he needed to clean up. I returned to the dining room and there was my little guy taking responsibility for his actions, cleaning up the mess he made (chunky potpourri pieces on the floor). It was completely unprompted. Because I was still dealing with my own emotions from the mishap, I didn't fully appreciate how he confessed his guilt so easily and so readily cleaned up his mess without me asking him to. Wow is all I can say. I know I told him I forgived him and thanked him for cleaning up, but in reflection, I wish I had been far more expressive to him and taken him in my arms too. My kids then kissed and made up and all was well in our home again.

Our pastor recently said to our bibly study group how when we confess to God, without Him having to 'pressure' us, we are that much further on the road to reconciliation, than if He had to push us to 'fess up.' How true that is. And what I feel encouraged by is Kyle must know grace in our home because he confessed without fear. He knew from past experience that we would forgive him and show grace to him, which is my job as a parent, to teach him grace so he can understand his Father's grace. It is encouraging to me since I often worry that Kyle doesn't receive grace from us consistenly enough. But I suppose that is because David and I both have the same flaw Kyle has--brokeness from sin.

These are bright moments for me. And sometimes the Dark One is too present in my flesh, so to speak. But these moments are wonderful and I'm so blessed today that the Holy Spirit spoke all this truth to me in these few minutes of just one of many 'brew-ha-has' that occur here each day.