The Great Taylor Library Conspiracy

I'm warning you, this is long, but funny to me...

I finally got us to the library on Tuesday to get a card and check out a book. We had made two previous attempts. The first time I had poor directions ironically from google that had an old address. I drove in circles for EVER in Taylor, a very small town about eight miles from Hutto. We drove so long that Kyle fell asleep. I drove home and discovered that it was closed anyway for inventory!

Then we tried AGAIN a few weeks later. This time we were in full force, ready to go. Kyle was psyched. We go in and because I am not a Taylor resident, I have to pay $10 for a library card or I can get a family card for $25. What??? Okay, if I'm going to get one card, uh, can't we all check out books under that one card? Anyway, I'm about to hand the gal my debit card and she informs me cash or check only which I do not have on my person at that moment. Kyle by this point is quite antsy. He's babbling about getting a book and now I have to disappoint my little bookworm again. The gal tells she can keep all my information on "file" till I get back with the money. Oh, and by the way, the official document I needed to fill out was the size of a small index card, cut sloppily, and I was provided a pencil to fill out my contact information and oh yes, a pencil to give my signature. Very official. Impressive.

She then tells me we can pick out our books and hold them for me. I look at her and say "that would only confuse my 3 year old and frustrate him." Kyle then continues asking about a book so I declare that Mommy has made a mistake and we can't get a book today and we'll have to come back. Again. Since when did library cards cost money? I thought libraries were a community service. I decide then that Taylor takes their reading very seriously. I suppose since I'm not a Taylor taxpayer, then I would be mooching off their fine literary community for my son's personal vice of Thomas the Tank Engine books, hardback to boot.

So this Tuesday I knew I would have to get back on the horse and head out to Taylor agian. By this point, I'm neurotic about where it's located and decide I need to look at the online map ONE MORE TIME because for all I've known, they've discovered that a non-resident of Taylor is trying to get a card and they've decided to go to their default location underneath the county clerk's office across the street. I'm pumped. Kyle is pumped. Makenna is drooling. It's a quick drive on over and when we march up to the counter, my checkbook is in hand, Kyle is in the other, and Makenna is already walking in on her own because it's taken that many months to get our card as there is a 6 month waiting period on all personal handguns, I mean library cards.

I declare with great confidence to the "new gal" at the counter that the "lady from last time" told me she'd keep my 'paperwork' on file. Apparently they only keep it a few days, so I suppose it became someone's coaster for their soda or maybe they just took an eraser to it and let the next person use it, in an effort to keep library card costs down. They hand me my new paper and yes, the pencil. I explain that the card will be in my son's name. New Gal and Other Gal, a gal next to her, exchange glances and I realize I have just raised a taboo subject. I'm not sure if one of us is about to be thrown into a volcano or if laser beams are going to appear around our entourage.

They inform me kindly that since I'm a non-resident of Taylor, the card would be in my name and they don't normally put it in a child's name. Now I'm certain they are scanning Kyle's face for an FBI profile to see if he matches any hardened library criminals in their database. They appear like they are about to make an exception and I say, 'it's okay. we don't expect you to do anything that goes against your standard procedure.' Other Gal nods approvingly and New Gal breathes a sigh of relief that she won't have to spen the next 36 hours covering her tracks and finding an alibi for the two of them. New Gal kindly says that Kyle can present the card to them as if it's his own. Yes, that is totally fine, I say.

I then receive all the very important information regarding fees, due dates, etc. I am particularly amused by what I call the Library Card Probationary Period. I currently am allowed two books. After one month, I can check out up to ten books. Glory day! We're cleaning them out of all the Thomas books they have! So Kyle and I trek on over (yes, Makenna is ahead of us, as by now, she has achieved running in this timespan) to the kids' section and find Thomas. I have not been kneeling on the floor for more than two minutes and I'm approached by Some Other Gal, asking me to be a Friend of the Library in their reading program. I'm like, 'lady, I just got through security clearance to get my card. I don't know if you can trust me, being since I'm from Hutto and all.' I mean, seriously, they haven't even drawn my blood yet or done an eye scan! I respectfully decline and hope Some Other Gal doesn't start following me around. And now I know my photo has probably been scanned and it's hanging behind the counter for when I return and they want to recruit me again.

Kyle loves his book and can't stop reading it. It was worth the blood, sweat, and tears. Almost ten years ago, I took at trip to D.C. and went to the Library of Congress. I obtained a library card in order to get into their stacks, as I was looking for some book that I had a poem published in supposedly (those great money-maker schemes where they publish you in a book but the only copy that exists is in D.C. up in some dark dusty corner). I had my picture taken, etc, fingerprints, etc. WOuld you believe it took me less effor to get that card than my coveted Taylor Library card? The things we'll do for our kids...